Your Own Worth

"The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping"

Why do we find it so hard to see our own worth? It originates in our childhood. From the very beginning, we are taught to seek approval and affection from people we care about, especially people we love. We learn to please others and when we do, we feel good about ourselves. Unfortunately, this also creates fear - fear of being rejected, having the affection withdrawn. As we grow up, the stakes only increase and we take things more personally and try even harder to fit in to our family's and society's view of our perfect Selves. So it's no wonder that we have a hard time valuing ourselves. How can we ever match that perfect version of daughter, sister, mother, wife, lover, professional? Only when our 'imperfect' self is validated by another, again and again, do we believe we are worthy. As Claudius says, "The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping."

We ask ourselves, "Who Am I to be brilliant, successful, beautiful, happy, fulfilled?" As Marianne Williamson says, "...who are you not to be. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the glory that is within us. It is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same." It is in illuminating the possibilities that gives others hope that they too can shine!

So why do we find it so hard to see our own worth? Only when others acknowledge our worth, do we start to believe we may have worth. And more often than not, it's because of what we do, not who we are.

How then, do we see our own worth, see the brilliance of our own light?

• Getting to know you. A woman once said that being with herself was like being on a blind date. Does this sound like you? Take some quiet time to get know your self. Go for a walk in Nature or meditate or just sit in a room with soft music playing. Get to know your own thoughts, desires, and dreams. By finding out who you are, you are more able to appreciate your self.
• Start treating your Self as well as you treat others. Make of list of 5 things you can do for your self each day that feel good to you. Not things you have to do or should do; but things that make you smile, or even make you feel a little guilty at the thought of indulging. Pick one to start with and give this to yourself everyday for a week. Then add another. Examples might include: read a book for 30 minutes; take a walk, bubble bath, or dance. You get the idea.
• List your special gift and talents, the ones you were born with, not the ones you've learned along the way. If you don't know, ask your friends and family and co-workers to tell you.

You may not see your own value overnight, but you will start to appreciate the incredible being that is you and start to see your value, your contributions to those around you, and ultimately, why you are here.

Action items:

1. Schedule a date with your self. Mark it in your calendar and plan to do something fun! Enjoy your time with your self and get to know you!
2. Make a list of 5 Daily Habits for you and pick the one to start with this week. Give this to your self every day.
3. Make a list of your special gifts and talents. Put it somewhere that you can see it often. Read it first thing in the morning and before you go to bed at night.

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