How are your resolutions holding up?

Joan Casey

 

We’re a full month into the New Year, and a full month into our resolutions – you know, those promises we made to ourselves just a few weeks ago. Our friend, Joan Casey from Boundaries: Solutions for Life, is offering some very sound advice to help keep you on track. Next month, we’re excited to present Joan’s insightful article on the Six Big Relationship Mistakes!

 

Here are four pointers to help you succeed:

1. If it’s not your own goal, forget it.

When you take on a goal because it is someone else’s idea you won’t get behind it. You’ll try to do it for awhile because you think it sounds like a good plan or you want someone else to approve of you. You are using the Invisible and Enmeshed Boundaries Problem Styles. With Invisible you are passive while you let someone else run the show. With Enmeshed you are trying to merge with someone else by taking on their values and goals. In any case, it just doesn’t work.

2.  If you think you “should” do it, don’t do it.

When you act from “should” you are using the Intrusive Boundaries Problem Style on yourself. This is an Inner Boundaries Problem. You are probably bullying yourself into things and wonder later why you lost all your energy and focus for your goal. If you don’t authentically feel the juice for your goal, you’ll sabotage it sooner or later. Instead, pick a goal that excites you.

3.  Ask yourself if your resolution is reasonable.

If it isn’t, then break it down to bite sized chunks. It’s better to be able to celebrate some successes than to always feel like a loser. If you haven’t been exercising at all and want to start, then instead of saying “I’m going to run 60 minutes everyday.” Change it to: “I’ll exercise at least 15 minutes everyday and every 8 weeks I’ll increase it by 15 minutes.” Set yourself up to succeed. If you end up doing more or even better than your plan, then that’s just icing on the cake!

4.  Use your environment to help you succeed.

A famed spiritual teacher and philosopher, Paramahansa Yogananda said "Environment is stronger than will power." This means, if you really want to succeed, then you must create an environment that will not only support you, but will propel you in achieving your goals. Here’s some ways others have used this wisdom:

To support morning exercise: Make a contract to pay your best friend $50 for any time you miss your exercise routine and report into them daily.

To stay focused: Write your top 3 goals of the day and post it where you will see it. Ask yourself, “Am I on track?”

To eat healthy: Cook your planned foods 2x a week and have them pre-packed in plastic containers in the appropriate food portions so it’s a no-brainer.

To limit spending: Make it hard to pull out your checks, cash or credit cards by putting 10 rubber bands around them with a note, “Am I being in integrity?”

You get the idea? Make yourself accountable to others; make the good behaviors easier to do and the bad behaviors more difficult to do.

Here is a link to an article on Joan’s website describing the six problem styles you use with others.

Joan Casey
Boundaries: Solutions for Life

Creating healthy boundaries and relationships that work!

www.joancasey.com

Email joancasey@joancasey.com