Finding Emotional Balance

They're called leg lifters-those people who always manage to knock us off balance by forcing us to lift our emotional leg. Imagine standing firmly with both feet on the ground, perhaps with both knees slightly bent. We are grounded and very stable in this position. If someone were to come up and give us a push, it's unlikely that we would loose our balance and fall over. However, if we lift one leg, even slightly, we would be unstable enough to be pushed over with little effort.

We all have leg lifters in our lives: the boss who NEEDS for us to always be wrong, the spouse who always see the glass as half empty, the parent who knows just how to push our buttons, the friend who hasn't learned boundaries, etc. Sometimes, these people need only to walk into the room and up goes our leg. They just seem to have this power over us. In reality, we're giving our power away to them. Clearly, they're in control as we helplessly lift our leg in response to their remarks, demands and attitudes.

Throughout our history with each person in our life, we develop a "dance" or a pattern of behavior with that person - basically, we teach them how to treat us. When one of these individuals walks into the room, the same old music plays, and we begin the "dance" one more time. When we can't change others (or a situation), the only thing we CAN change is our perception or the way we interact with that person. Release the old pattern and segue into a new dance.

The segue with your boss may be as simple as moving into the need he/she has for you to always be wrong. After all, it is THEIR need for you to be wrong-it has nothing really to do with you. Instead of defending your actions, decision or behavior (the old dance), simply acknowledge their remark, complaint or comment and move past it. It may look something like this: "You never complete your work assignment on time!" Up goes your leg! A new dance may sound like: "I see you're frustrated by my timetable, I'll make a greater effort to meet the deadlines." You have not agreed with their statement, you simply have refused to react in the same old way. When someone's intention is truly for us to be wrong, we will never have an adequate response. Nothing we say will matter - our comments will only fuel their fire. Keeping your leg down is more important than trying to win a war that can't be won.

You can learn a new dance with each difficult person in your life. The segue from the old dance to the new one is the key. If it's smooth (as in unabrasive) they may not even be aware that they're dancing to new music, and you get to put your leg down.